mrsronweasley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mrsronweasley) wrote2002-09-24 01:02 am
mrsronweasley) wrote2002-09-24 01:02 am
On Crap.
Goddamn, I need a life. Fuck. I know that I'm only feeling this way because I'm in between something, and have nothing to do at home, but pack, talk to my mom, watch TV, and be online. I feel like shit tonight, for some reason. Just sort of...empty. Like...there's nothing real right now. I'm sure that's making no sense, but there it is. On the one hand, I want Friday to come as soon as possible. On the other, I am so scared that it's getting here faster than I can handle.
Will I find anyone in England?
Will I stumble around, with no one to talk to, but people who live Very Far Away, and cry to my pillow at night, and take anti-depressants in the morning?
What will happen there?
I know that getting away from College O' Hell is a good thing. But...I don't know. I'm bitching and moaning about an opportunity of a lifetime, it's stupid. And I don't want to stay here - that much, I know. I'll miss Sam and my friends and family. But I won't miss the place - and I can't handle going back there, not yet.
But right now, I feel like shit. Pathetic, too.
I miss having friends to hug and talk to until 3 in the morning. I love that I can go online and talk to people until then, and get *snuggled*, but then when the computer is off, I'm alone.
And then I go to bed. And then I wake up, look around at the mess, and leave it there. I only have three nights left of doing that.
The waiting is killing me, but the anticipation is, too.
God, I'm fucking scared. So, so scared.
EDITED: Fuck. And now I'm crying. I couldn't get much lower. I just wish I could fucking TALK to someone, someone whose voice I actually heard. But all my friends are asleep. Because it's late. And I'm pathetic.
Will I find anyone in England?
Will I stumble around, with no one to talk to, but people who live Very Far Away, and cry to my pillow at night, and take anti-depressants in the morning?
What will happen there?
I know that getting away from College O' Hell is a good thing. But...I don't know. I'm bitching and moaning about an opportunity of a lifetime, it's stupid. And I don't want to stay here - that much, I know. I'll miss Sam and my friends and family. But I won't miss the place - and I can't handle going back there, not yet.
But right now, I feel like shit. Pathetic, too.
I miss having friends to hug and talk to until 3 in the morning. I love that I can go online and talk to people until then, and get *snuggled*, but then when the computer is off, I'm alone.
And then I go to bed. And then I wake up, look around at the mess, and leave it there. I only have three nights left of doing that.
The waiting is killing me, but the anticipation is, too.
God, I'm fucking scared. So, so scared.
EDITED: Fuck. And now I'm crying. I couldn't get much lower. I just wish I could fucking TALK to someone, someone whose voice I actually heard. But all my friends are asleep. Because it's late. And I'm pathetic.