Valentine's Day Crackfic, rated S for Stupid. (Or, like, PG-13 for suggestion.)

[mrsronweasley]

Dear Fandom!

Happy Valentine's Day?..

(Written for aneli8, who owes me something. Something large. I humiliate myself on your behalf, sweetums. I fully expect you to put out.)

Four Things Fraser Had Not Wished For, And One He Had.
a.k.a., Adventures in Spelling!
by mrsronweasley

The powers that controlled Fraser's life appeared to be not only mildly abusive, but almost entirely cruel. Having been saddled with a wolf that could now only read lips, as well as a patronizing and unhelpful ghost of a father, Fraser bore his Fate with patience and even good grace. However, Fate did not seem to agree with him that, perhaps, those two aspects of his life amounted to enough hardship. No, no. It, in fact, seemed to believe that whatever Fraser wished for - either in the past, or in the current present - he was not to receive without Herculean amounts of patience.

Take, for instance, his - admittedly, very juvenile - request for bigger endownment, at the age of fourteen. He had not, in fact, as the joke had gone, asked for







However, that is what he had received one night, while feeling especially awkward in his body of gangly arms and legs that the rest of him had not entirely caught up to. He stewed over his "gift" for a day or so, until he had finally decided to play it off as a cruel trick of Innusiq's, and put it - and the pianist, who did, in fact, play a rather lovely, if tinny, tune - out of his mind.

The years passed, and Fraser had all but forgotten the unfortunate incident. Fate, however, had not quite finished with him yet. He had at first thought that perhaps he had such difficulty in getting the following wish granted because it had seemed like such an outrageous request. However, the real explanation was, of course, that Fate had not only saddled him with a deaf half-wolf and a father that would not pass on even after death, but also with a partner who had a more crass sense of humor than even Diefenbaker.

For, after Fraser and Ray kissed for the very first time and parted ways for the evening, Fraser found himself party to a series of gifts that could only have been considered cruel morsels of Destiny, had he not known the true mind behind them.







Ray's clock was lovely, of course - a testament to the fine workmanship of watch-makers the world over (and the care with which Ray had managed to inscribe his own identity onto it was nothing short of exceptional) but the sentiment behind it was just a touch malicious. As a show of affection it lacked a certain grace that Fraser - perhaps, foolishly - had initially expected. Thus, he simply sighed, wrapped the watch up carefully in his handkerchief, and stowed it away until such a time as he could forgive Ray and his cruel sense of humor.

The next night, after Ray's mouth left a trail of sweetness behind on Fraser's lips, and his car left tread marks outside of the Consulate, Fraser found that he had a new and unfamiliar object in his front pocket.







Once more, he found himself shaking his head at his partner. Such cruelty from such a morally good man. Fraser balked at the obvious expectation Ray had in Fraser accepting the gift with the humor he had intended to express. He thought, as he slipped the disk into the Consulate's base computer, that he might have found this rather amusing twenty years back, however now was no longer the time for such foolish gifts.

And when Fraser opened up the contents of the disk, it was, perhaps, for the best, that Diefenbaker would take Fraser's sudden and entirely unexpected laugh with him to his silent grave.







Fraser tucked the disk away along with the pocket-watch, trusting that perhaps next time, Ray would not be nearly as cruel - nor as reserved. Perhaps, if Fraser could be persuasive enough, he would finally grant Fraser his actual wish. Fraser went to sleep that night having made up in his mind a series of ways in which he could persuade Ray to do things his way. He was secretly hoping that, perhaps, scenario number 3 would be the way to win Ray's...heart.

And, as it happened, Fraser's third argument succeeded, his wish being granted to him the very next night. Fraser had always felt that he was particuarly adept at speaking in tongues. Ray, as it turned out, was particularly adept at accepting them.





And they lived happily ever after.

♥

~*~

Author's Notes: I only did this because aneli8 looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, "OMG, you need to write that." It's Valentine's Day. I felt obligated. All the images manipped by me, with the total exception of the very last one, which was made - oh so many moons ago - by aneli8 herself. ♥ ♥ ♥ With many thanks to airinshaw for looking it over and...not killing me on the spot. Thank you kindly. Kthnxbai. *runs away*