oh, this is great. this makes me very, very happy.
tiny missing word to start with (because otherwise i'll never be able to find where it was as my brain fills this stuff in automatically) - mean, it would pretty stupid of me to, you know… I'm pretty sure you need a "be" after that "would".
I really like Ray's POV through all of this, and I think you do a very good job of, well, keeping Fraser - what we see/hear of him - so honestly in tune with both Ray's POV AND with his own character. Does that make sense at all? Eitherway, I like.
Ray choked on a piece of lettuce and dinner was officially over. I love you forever for that line. Fucking HELL. It is a crafted piece of masterful genius. It's hilarious and understated and perfect and so fucking due South and just... ngh. YAY. Also, Fraser just... throwing that out there like that really works for me. It seems wackily just exactly what he would do in that situation - express empathy, get Ray thinking, be silent for a while, let Ray think in circles, drop bombshell. Heh.
What I meant was, when I had this conversation with– with that other person, it was merely to draw them out. ...oh, Ray. Sweetie. You're very pretty but sometimes you're not that bright. Poor Fraser, with Ray completely (and uncharacteristically, but it's exactly what he might do under stress like this, so it totally works) Not Getting what he was referring to there. (Um, unless I am on crack and that was not a reference to the discussion in Eclipse.)
The Decembrist's reference made my inner history geek kinda happy, too. Very Fraserly, as well, so many points to you.
The only thing I'm maybe a bit iffy on here is just exactly how unaware of Fraser's less-than-fabulous life Ray is, but then again, you also do a fine job of explaining that if you think of it in terms of the way that any time things get tough the natural/normal reaction is for that stress to narrow down the world view so that other people's problems are way harder to even think to see. So that would fit, yeah... (I admit it, I am totally thinking as I type. So you get the half formed thoughts too. Um. Sorry?)
At least they weren’t talking about the big queer elephant in the driver’s seat. LOVE that line. Yay yay YAY.
except a job that I’m getting sick of, this car, and a turtle with no name. Oh, Ray... *hearttwists* and, you know, HEE at the turtle line. That was just enough lightness/normality to make the line ring all the truer.
I also really like the simile at the very beginning with the shoes and the leather-wrinkling and "Stella hated leaking faucets" - it's very understated but it really sets the tone.
He wanted to look at Fraser, watch for any kind of reaction but his neck felt frozen in place, so he looked straight ahead, with seconds extending into minutes, then hours, then fucking years. He wanted Fraser to say something, or to just move a little, or just fucking–
That is such a great description of that type of moment. I think nearly everyone must've had a moment or a discussion like that and just... really really well put.
et his fingers tangle in his multiple keys and keychains. really like that image, too. it's so human oh, man, the mental image is so perfectly iconable, too. sigh.
Yeah, Fraser drank milk, right? Ray left his bark tea in his other pants.
LOVE. yes. also, Ray feeling like his insides are melting - vivid and totally get the feeling he means, too.
Ray wasn’t sure when the shock had become anticipation, and anticipation turned ragged, but his apartment now felt like an unfamiliar skin, uncomfortable, exciting, and a bit frightening. I am also kinda in love with this sentence. the "ragged" absolutely makes it. Yummy.
no subject
tiny missing word to start with (because otherwise i'll never be able to find where it was as my brain fills this stuff in automatically) - mean, it would pretty stupid of me to, you know…
I'm pretty sure you need a "be" after that "would".
I really like Ray's POV through all of this, and I think you do a very good job of, well, keeping Fraser - what we see/hear of him - so honestly in tune with both Ray's POV AND with his own character. Does that make sense at all? Eitherway, I like.
Ray choked on a piece of lettuce and dinner was officially over.
I love you forever for that line. Fucking HELL. It is a crafted piece of masterful genius. It's hilarious and understated and perfect and so fucking due South and just... ngh. YAY. Also, Fraser just... throwing that out there like that really works for me. It seems wackily just exactly what he would do in that situation - express empathy, get Ray thinking, be silent for a while, let Ray think in circles, drop bombshell. Heh.
What I meant was, when I had this conversation with– with that other person, it was merely to draw them out.
...oh, Ray. Sweetie. You're very pretty but sometimes you're not that bright. Poor Fraser, with Ray completely (and uncharacteristically, but it's exactly what he might do under stress like this, so it totally works) Not Getting what he was referring to there. (Um, unless I am on crack and that was not a reference to the discussion in Eclipse.)
The Decembrist's reference made my inner history geek kinda happy, too. Very Fraserly, as well, so many points to you.
The only thing I'm maybe a bit iffy on here is just exactly how unaware of Fraser's less-than-fabulous life Ray is, but then again, you also do a fine job of explaining that if you think of it in terms of the way that any time things get tough the natural/normal reaction is for that stress to narrow down the world view so that other people's problems are way harder to even think to see. So that would fit, yeah... (I admit it, I am totally thinking as I type. So you get the half formed thoughts too. Um. Sorry?)
At least they weren’t talking about the big queer elephant in the driver’s seat.
LOVE that line. Yay yay YAY.
except a job that I’m getting sick of, this car, and a turtle with no name.
Oh, Ray... *hearttwists* and, you know, HEE at the turtle line. That was just enough lightness/normality to make the line ring all the truer.
I also really like the simile at the very beginning with the shoes and the leather-wrinkling and "Stella hated leaking faucets" - it's very understated but it really sets the tone.
He wanted to look at Fraser, watch for any kind of reaction but his neck felt frozen in place, so he looked straight ahead, with seconds extending into minutes, then hours, then fucking years. He wanted Fraser to say something, or to just move a little, or just fucking–
That is such a great description of that type of moment. I think nearly everyone must've had a moment or a discussion like that and just... really really well put.
et his fingers tangle in his multiple keys and keychains.
really like that image, too. it's so human oh, man, the mental image is so perfectly iconable, too. sigh.
Yeah, Fraser drank milk, right? Ray left his bark tea in his other pants.
LOVE. yes. also, Ray feeling like his insides are melting - vivid and totally get the feeling he means, too.
Ray wasn’t sure when the shock had become anticipation, and anticipation turned ragged, but his apartment now felt like an unfamiliar skin, uncomfortable, exciting, and a bit frightening.
I am also kinda in love with this sentence. the "ragged" absolutely makes it. Yummy.