Sigh. Me and my stupid two-leggedness. I'll never be hot enough to be on TV. I guess the only solution is to bust out the chainsaw and start practicing my hopping.

By which I mean WHAT? And BOO! This is right up there with the recent Beyoncé skin lightening thing in that L'Oréal ad in terms of total mind boggling. Dear people who do this: We can tell when things are photoshopped. Really we can.