mrsronweasley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mrsronweasley) wrote2011-03-15 09:47 pm
mrsronweasley) wrote2011-03-15 09:47 pm
IDK, BLAME THE HORMONES (fic? KIND of? not really?)
So, this morning ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
philosiraptors bemoaned being totally crazy-faced and in the mood for the following:
1) MPREG
2) HURT/COMFORT
3) STORIES WHERE SOMEONE HAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SELF-ESTEEM AND CRIES A LOT
4) JAMIA POV FROM WHEN SHE AND FRANK START DATING
And I was all, "HAHAHA, IF I HAD TIME, I'D WRITE YOU SOMETHING. MAYBE ALL IN ONE STORY."
AND THEN I KIND OF DID.
I blame the hormones. And B-Rex.
Warning: ~1700 WORDS OF RIDICULOUSNESS, MALE PREGNANCY, SOME TEARS, A LOT OF SCHMOOP. Frank/Jamia. R. I think.
Enter at your own risk.
YOU'RE PREGNANT, FRANK IERO. WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?!
MAYBE…
LIKE, IF FRANK AND JAMIA STARTED DATING, AND FRANK WAS ALL ~~~UNSURE OF HIMSELF, AND FEELING FAT 'CAUSE OF THE POT AND HIS PUPPY-FAT, AND JAMIA WOULD BURY HER FACE IN HIS BELLY AND GO "MMMMMMMMM I LIKE THIS" AND “YOU'RE SO PREEEETTTYYYY" AND HE'D BE ALL, "NO WAAAAY" AND SHE'D BE ALL, "TOTALLY, IT'S THE BEST PART OF CUDDLING AND OH, LOOK, THERE'S YOUR DICK :DDDD" AND FRANK WOULD BE ALL *______@ BLOWJOBS ARE THE BEST
ANYWAY, SO EVENTUALLY, AFTER THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER A WHILE, HE ACCIDENTALLY GETS PREGNANT. OOPS, WHAT?
BUT IT'S - A MIRACLE! A WEIRD-ASS MIRACLE! AND JAMIA IS ALL, "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVERRRRRR" BECAUSE THEY WANTED KIDS AND NOW THEY WILL HAVE A BABY AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO DO IT, SCORE. (The doctor assures them this has actually happened before, RARELY, but it isn't unheard of - and a C-section is TOTALLY SAFE, he promises.)
So, anyway, then Frank is PREGNANT! And it's REALLY WEIRD. Like, he's pukey in the early stages, and that's actually how they find out - his stomach gets slightly swollen, and he's already lost the baby-fat, so it's weird that it's ONLY his stomach. And with all the PUKING, he thinks he maybe has a stomach bug (god KNOWS he's had enough stomach-related illnesses, GDIT >:( WTF, BODY, STOPPIT) but it just! Doesn't! Stop!
And then the doctor runs some tests, and well - VOILA. YOU'RE PREGNANT, FRANK IERO. WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?!
He goes home and has to TELL JAMIA. WTF. They just stare at each other a LOT after she gives up thinking he's pulling a prank on her, WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.
But no srsly you knocked me up, J. O____________________O GO YOU O__________________O
(She maybe feels weirdly like a stud a little bit. Then gets past it.)
Jamia takes really good care of him. She's heard stories from her girlfriends, and they quickly figure out the foods he just CANNOT HANDLE anymore. Weirdly, his craving for chicken actually works out - it doesn't make him ill, it makes him feel better. Weird, but he'll take it at this point. He cannot even look at eggplants. WTF is THAT? And he devours a LOT of licorice.
The band are all YAY FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK! They are so supportive! Gerard thinks it's an incredible manifestation of Frank's ~inner tenderness, which actually earns him a punch to the balls from Frank, who's all, "THAT IS INCREDIBLY BINARY, FUCK YOU."
Pedicone and Dewees like, FALL ALL OVER EACH OTHER, laughing. Ray shakes his head a lot, then ruffles his hair. Mikey's basically lost all ability to speak. O________________O
Then Gerard gets the brilliant idea to start photographing Frank's belly every day, just to see the ~progress. For SCIENCE. (And his own weird-ass collection.)
Jamia volunteers to help, of course.
It's SO HARD to give up caffeine and smoking, but Frank manages it, and even feels weirdly better after a while! PUKING IS OVER, and so are his withdrawals! LUNG POWER, YAY.
He does gain a bit of weight all over after a little while (it's all the cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese, he thinks! THE CHEESE! And the sugar. Those cupcakes and midnight ice cream runs are the BEST, OKAY *____* FOR HIS SOUL, IF NOT HIS ~FIGURE) and Jamia has to sit him down one night when he is actually craving coffee like a MOTHERFUCKER and his BACK hurts and he feels GROSS and the last doctor's visit showed some weird inconclusive results, and HE DOESN'T WANT THERE TO BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIS BABY ;_____; WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH HIS BABY, JAMIA ;_________;
Jamia is, like, "Honey, listen to me. The doctor did say it's probably a fluke and there is nothing wrong with our baby. Results like this HAPPEN sometimes, but you'll see, next time, it'll be PERFECT. Do you want a hot water bottle for your back?" and she, like, caresses his cheek and kisses him softly and looks at him like he's the most amazing person in the world. *__________* Because, she thinks, he really IS. He's her amazing pregnant miracle *___________*
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, there are, like, PREGNANT BLOWJOBS which get really difficult to do after about six months, because he is HUGE and his dick kind of just stands right out against his belly and it's barely enough to get a hand around, GODDAMMIT.
And he feels SUPER self-conscious - and touring is OUT of the question. They have to cancel a whole leg of the tour, which is SUCH A BUMMER, but nobody feels like they can go that long without Frank. He's FRANK. He's IN THE BAND. Besides, they need him to get Gerard out of trouble with all the interviews . :|
The first time the baby kicks, he almost jumps out of the couch, it's so WEIRD. He calls Jamia over and is like, "J, J, H, OH MY GOD, FEEL THIS, FEEL THIS RIGHT NOW," and she puts first her hand over his belly, then her face, and looks up at him all *___________* OH MY GOD, OUR BABY. What does that feel like?? And Frank is all, "BIZARRE. She is FIERCE." And they just stare at each other for a while, all O_________O *_________* O____O FAMILY. Frank is making their FAMILY. X__________*
He asks Jamia at one point if she minds that he's the one who got knocked up first, and she's all, "Are you KIDDING? This is AMAZING. I always knew you were different, baby. *_____*" He promises to let her have the next one, though :D
Walking and generally BEING outside isn't all that fun, but he sucks it up, and tries not to spit on the assholes who yell out weird shit to him TOO much. WHATEVER, HE'S HAVING A BABY. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HAVE BABIES EVERY DAY THE WORLD OVER >:( HIS BABY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST BABY EVER, ANYWAY. >:(THE BEST >:( HIS BABY GIRL >:(
By eight months, he's basically house-bound. It's too fucking hot outside, and he's waddling like you wouldn't BELIEVE. He just wants this baby OUT OF HIM, THANK YOU. JESUS CHRIST. SHE IS A KICKER ;_________; KIND OF LIKE DADDY :) The nursery is done (he's been painting a lot of pictures in his spare time, especially when the baby kicks and keeps him up at night, and most of them are for his little girl.) It's also filled with all KINDS of shit they got at the baby shower Lindsey had insisted on throwing them. He's kind of especially fond of the booties Christa had knitted. They're so pretty and purple and good enough for his girl to stomp around in *_____* Or maybe just crawl around in *______* Whatever *___________*
The boys text him EVERY DAY to ask if he's had her yet. He has to keep telling them all IT'S A SCHEDULED C-SECTION, ASSHOLES, SHE'S NOT JUST GONNA POP OUT ON HER OWN. Then he winces at the thought and puts a hand over his dick protectively.
Jamia has to help him in the shower and he has to start wearing sliders, 'cause he can't tie his own shoes anymore. *sigh* How do chicks do this, seriously.
The night before the c-section, they have Chinese (mild, so he doesn't get that awful heartburn it's been giving him the last few months) while sitting in the nursery. Frank's in the rocking chair and Jamia's at his feet and they're kind of BURSTING with anticipation and Frank, ngl, quite a bit of fear. The doctors assured him he's going to be JUST FINE, but they don't KNOW, okay, they don't KNOW.
NOBODY KNOWS.
But Jamia's holding onto his hand the entire time and he watches her beautiful face and knows it'll be okay. He's still scared, but she's with him, so he KNOWS he will be okay.
He goes online one last time, and he's got an email from Gerard, with a picture of Bandit as a baby. "It's worth it. Can't wait to meet her. All our love, G, L, & B <3" and he, like, tears up and shit. *SIGH* HORMONES *SIGH*
ANNNNNYYWAAAAAAAAAAAY, they get to the hospital SUPER EARLY and Frank has been feeling what he imagines are CONTRACTIONS for a while, but NOTHING like this, HE IS ABOUT TO POP. JUST IN TIME, HE GUESSES, HUH. J's with him the whole time - when he's admitted, taken to the room, prepped for the surgery, EVERYTHING. She's wearing one of those hospital gowns and gloves and a HAT, she's definitely the hottest nurse around. He won't let go of her hand. HE'S SCARED ;________;
And in PAIN, too, thank GOD they give him a lot of drugs. THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS. D:
He's all, "Jamiiiiiaaaaaa, our baaaaaaaaby is cooomingggggggg, can you see anything yettt...."
and when he wakes up, he hears a WAIIIIIIIIIIILLLL, and it's his BABY. That's her VOICE he's hearing and suddenly he realizes he's not behind the curtain anymore, and the baby is in JAMIA'S ARMS, and then he's HOLDING HER. HIS BABY. HIS BABY GIRL.
And there are, like, a LOT OF TEARS, and then his MOM IS THERE, and then HIS BAND , are all falling through the door with balloons and fucking FLOWERS, what the hell, followed by Lindsey, Alicia, and Christa, and it's SO NOISY and CRAZY and EVERYBODY IS CRYING AND WANTING TO HOLD THE BABY, who is just - the most precious, most amazing, most BEAUTIFUL - his HEART. *_______* Frank's HEART. *__________* IT CANNOT TAKE IT *________*
She's got Jamia's eyes and his nose and dark hair and huge cheeks and her little wails are just music to his ears, they really are. *______* His baby girl *_______* He MADE HER *_______*
AND THEN THEY LIVE HAPPILY AND SLEEP-DEPRIVED FOR A WHILE EVER AFTER <333333333333333333333333
THE END OMG
philosiraptors bemoaned being totally crazy-faced and in the mood for the following:1) MPREG
2) HURT/COMFORT
3) STORIES WHERE SOMEONE HAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SELF-ESTEEM AND CRIES A LOT
4) JAMIA POV FROM WHEN SHE AND FRANK START DATING
And I was all, "HAHAHA, IF I HAD TIME, I'D WRITE YOU SOMETHING. MAYBE ALL IN ONE STORY."
AND THEN I KIND OF DID.
I blame the hormones. And B-Rex.
Warning: ~1700 WORDS OF RIDICULOUSNESS, MALE PREGNANCY, SOME TEARS, A LOT OF SCHMOOP. Frank/Jamia. R. I think.
Enter at your own risk.
YOU'RE PREGNANT, FRANK IERO. WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?!
MAYBE…
LIKE, IF FRANK AND JAMIA STARTED DATING, AND FRANK WAS ALL ~~~UNSURE OF HIMSELF, AND FEELING FAT 'CAUSE OF THE POT AND HIS PUPPY-FAT, AND JAMIA WOULD BURY HER FACE IN HIS BELLY AND GO "MMMMMMMMM I LIKE THIS" AND “YOU'RE SO PREEEETTTYYYY" AND HE'D BE ALL, "NO WAAAAY" AND SHE'D BE ALL, "TOTALLY, IT'S THE BEST PART OF CUDDLING AND OH, LOOK, THERE'S YOUR DICK :DDDD" AND FRANK WOULD BE ALL *______@ BLOWJOBS ARE THE BEST
ANYWAY, SO EVENTUALLY, AFTER THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER A WHILE, HE ACCIDENTALLY GETS PREGNANT. OOPS, WHAT?
BUT IT'S - A MIRACLE! A WEIRD-ASS MIRACLE! AND JAMIA IS ALL, "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVERRRRRR" BECAUSE THEY WANTED KIDS AND NOW THEY WILL HAVE A BABY AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO DO IT, SCORE. (The doctor assures them this has actually happened before, RARELY, but it isn't unheard of - and a C-section is TOTALLY SAFE, he promises.)
So, anyway, then Frank is PREGNANT! And it's REALLY WEIRD. Like, he's pukey in the early stages, and that's actually how they find out - his stomach gets slightly swollen, and he's already lost the baby-fat, so it's weird that it's ONLY his stomach. And with all the PUKING, he thinks he maybe has a stomach bug (god KNOWS he's had enough stomach-related illnesses, GDIT >:( WTF, BODY, STOPPIT) but it just! Doesn't! Stop!
And then the doctor runs some tests, and well - VOILA. YOU'RE PREGNANT, FRANK IERO. WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?!
He goes home and has to TELL JAMIA. WTF. They just stare at each other a LOT after she gives up thinking he's pulling a prank on her, WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.
But no srsly you knocked me up, J. O____________________O GO YOU O__________________O
(She maybe feels weirdly like a stud a little bit. Then gets past it.)
Jamia takes really good care of him. She's heard stories from her girlfriends, and they quickly figure out the foods he just CANNOT HANDLE anymore. Weirdly, his craving for chicken actually works out - it doesn't make him ill, it makes him feel better. Weird, but he'll take it at this point. He cannot even look at eggplants. WTF is THAT? And he devours a LOT of licorice.
The band are all YAY FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK! They are so supportive! Gerard thinks it's an incredible manifestation of Frank's ~inner tenderness, which actually earns him a punch to the balls from Frank, who's all, "THAT IS INCREDIBLY BINARY, FUCK YOU."
Pedicone and Dewees like, FALL ALL OVER EACH OTHER, laughing. Ray shakes his head a lot, then ruffles his hair. Mikey's basically lost all ability to speak. O________________O
Then Gerard gets the brilliant idea to start photographing Frank's belly every day, just to see the ~progress. For SCIENCE. (And his own weird-ass collection.)
Jamia volunteers to help, of course.
It's SO HARD to give up caffeine and smoking, but Frank manages it, and even feels weirdly better after a while! PUKING IS OVER, and so are his withdrawals! LUNG POWER, YAY.
He does gain a bit of weight all over after a little while (it's all the cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese, he thinks! THE CHEESE! And the sugar. Those cupcakes and midnight ice cream runs are the BEST, OKAY *____* FOR HIS SOUL, IF NOT HIS ~FIGURE) and Jamia has to sit him down one night when he is actually craving coffee like a MOTHERFUCKER and his BACK hurts and he feels GROSS and the last doctor's visit showed some weird inconclusive results, and HE DOESN'T WANT THERE TO BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIS BABY ;_____; WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH HIS BABY, JAMIA ;_________;
Jamia is, like, "Honey, listen to me. The doctor did say it's probably a fluke and there is nothing wrong with our baby. Results like this HAPPEN sometimes, but you'll see, next time, it'll be PERFECT. Do you want a hot water bottle for your back?" and she, like, caresses his cheek and kisses him softly and looks at him like he's the most amazing person in the world. *__________* Because, she thinks, he really IS. He's her amazing pregnant miracle *___________*
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, there are, like, PREGNANT BLOWJOBS which get really difficult to do after about six months, because he is HUGE and his dick kind of just stands right out against his belly and it's barely enough to get a hand around, GODDAMMIT.
And he feels SUPER self-conscious - and touring is OUT of the question. They have to cancel a whole leg of the tour, which is SUCH A BUMMER, but nobody feels like they can go that long without Frank. He's FRANK. He's IN THE BAND. Besides, they need him to get Gerard out of trouble with all the interviews . :|
The first time the baby kicks, he almost jumps out of the couch, it's so WEIRD. He calls Jamia over and is like, "J, J, H, OH MY GOD, FEEL THIS, FEEL THIS RIGHT NOW," and she puts first her hand over his belly, then her face, and looks up at him all *___________* OH MY GOD, OUR BABY. What does that feel like?? And Frank is all, "BIZARRE. She is FIERCE." And they just stare at each other for a while, all O_________O *_________* O____O FAMILY. Frank is making their FAMILY. X__________*
He asks Jamia at one point if she minds that he's the one who got knocked up first, and she's all, "Are you KIDDING? This is AMAZING. I always knew you were different, baby. *_____*" He promises to let her have the next one, though :D
Walking and generally BEING outside isn't all that fun, but he sucks it up, and tries not to spit on the assholes who yell out weird shit to him TOO much. WHATEVER, HE'S HAVING A BABY. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE HAVE BABIES EVERY DAY THE WORLD OVER >:( HIS BABY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST BABY EVER, ANYWAY. >:(THE BEST >:( HIS BABY GIRL >:(
By eight months, he's basically house-bound. It's too fucking hot outside, and he's waddling like you wouldn't BELIEVE. He just wants this baby OUT OF HIM, THANK YOU. JESUS CHRIST. SHE IS A KICKER ;_________; KIND OF LIKE DADDY :) The nursery is done (he's been painting a lot of pictures in his spare time, especially when the baby kicks and keeps him up at night, and most of them are for his little girl.) It's also filled with all KINDS of shit they got at the baby shower Lindsey had insisted on throwing them. He's kind of especially fond of the booties Christa had knitted. They're so pretty and purple and good enough for his girl to stomp around in *_____* Or maybe just crawl around in *______* Whatever *___________*
The boys text him EVERY DAY to ask if he's had her yet. He has to keep telling them all IT'S A SCHEDULED C-SECTION, ASSHOLES, SHE'S NOT JUST GONNA POP OUT ON HER OWN. Then he winces at the thought and puts a hand over his dick protectively.
Jamia has to help him in the shower and he has to start wearing sliders, 'cause he can't tie his own shoes anymore. *sigh* How do chicks do this, seriously.
The night before the c-section, they have Chinese (mild, so he doesn't get that awful heartburn it's been giving him the last few months) while sitting in the nursery. Frank's in the rocking chair and Jamia's at his feet and they're kind of BURSTING with anticipation and Frank, ngl, quite a bit of fear. The doctors assured him he's going to be JUST FINE, but they don't KNOW, okay, they don't KNOW.
NOBODY KNOWS.
But Jamia's holding onto his hand the entire time and he watches her beautiful face and knows it'll be okay. He's still scared, but she's with him, so he KNOWS he will be okay.
He goes online one last time, and he's got an email from Gerard, with a picture of Bandit as a baby. "It's worth it. Can't wait to meet her. All our love, G, L, & B <3" and he, like, tears up and shit. *SIGH* HORMONES *SIGH*
ANNNNNYYWAAAAAAAAAAAY, they get to the hospital SUPER EARLY and Frank has been feeling what he imagines are CONTRACTIONS for a while, but NOTHING like this, HE IS ABOUT TO POP. JUST IN TIME, HE GUESSES, HUH. J's with him the whole time - when he's admitted, taken to the room, prepped for the surgery, EVERYTHING. She's wearing one of those hospital gowns and gloves and a HAT, she's definitely the hottest nurse around. He won't let go of her hand. HE'S SCARED ;________;
And in PAIN, too, thank GOD they give him a lot of drugs. THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS. D:
He's all, "Jamiiiiiaaaaaa, our baaaaaaaaby is cooomingggggggg, can you see anything yettt...."
and when he wakes up, he hears a WAIIIIIIIIIIILLLL, and it's his BABY. That's her VOICE he's hearing and suddenly he realizes he's not behind the curtain anymore, and the baby is in JAMIA'S ARMS, and then he's HOLDING HER. HIS BABY. HIS BABY GIRL.
And there are, like, a LOT OF TEARS, and then his MOM IS THERE, and then HIS BAND , are all falling through the door with balloons and fucking FLOWERS, what the hell, followed by Lindsey, Alicia, and Christa, and it's SO NOISY and CRAZY and EVERYBODY IS CRYING AND WANTING TO HOLD THE BABY, who is just - the most precious, most amazing, most BEAUTIFUL - his HEART. *_______* Frank's HEART. *__________* IT CANNOT TAKE IT *________*
She's got Jamia's eyes and his nose and dark hair and huge cheeks and her little wails are just music to his ears, they really are. *______* His baby girl *_______* He MADE HER *_______*
AND THEN THEY LIVE HAPPILY AND SLEEP-DEPRIVED FOR A WHILE EVER AFTER <333333333333333333333333
THE END OMG
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Ahahahaha! Oh, I mean, I am offended on Gerard's behalf! His interview answers are just high concept. You couldn't possibly understand. *sniff*
HIS BABY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST BABY EVER, ANYWAY. >:(THE BEST >:(
This. >:)
You are crazy.
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<<<<3333
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(Of COURSE you'd appreciate MPREG. OF COURSE YOU WOULD. *never lets you go*)
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Oh, Frank. :DDDD
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♥
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This paragraph makes the WHOLE THING WORTH IT. WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE BLOWJOBS.
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:D
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LOL FOR DAAAAYS. She is a kicker like her daddy! <3333
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What is it in the air this week (ooh, springtime?) 'cause I have totally been in the mood for this sort of thing. I read a wonderful old Pete/Patrick mpreg yesterday, and my brain has been going baaaabies and wanting all sorts of kidfic ever since.
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OH YAY!! Oh God, I'm so glad I'm not alone. I have a THING for kid!fic, and apparently, mpreg. I've been trying to deny it, but once you make your friends write you mpreg... not once, but twice... and then write some yourself... Well, that ship has clearly sailed. *SIGH*
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So many things to love here. So many. *____*
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Frank, who's all, "THAT IS INCREDIBLY BINARY, FUCK YOU."
MY FAVORITE. :DDD
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