On Things.

[mrsronweasley]

How is it possible for it to be cold outside, and really hot inside, even with all the windows open? I'm suffocating here, people!

So, my sister and her husband left, and I won't see her until July. It's such a strange feeling. I cried and told her how scared I was - she said that it's all going to be ok, and that I knew that. Yes, I guess I do, but it's still really really...scary.

I realized this weekend that even though I love my family very much, I'm not really interested in hearing what they have to say... It sounds horrible, but here's the thing - I'm 20. I'm young and stupid, and I think that I know more than I do. I realize all of this fully, but it doesn't change the fact that right now my family and I are on very different wavelengths. That's why I'm going to England - to discover things on my own without my family's shadow.

And I really don't like the fact that whenever I say "I'm scared" to my mom, she says "Well, you're the one that chose to do this, I didn't make you!"

Yes, thank you, what a great fucking comfort.

We did all watch "Pride and Prejudice" today, some of us for a thousandth time, some of us first. Guess which one it was for me. Hehe...

"Mr. Darcy! Of all men!"

Indeed. Mmmmm, Colin Firth in the lake...mmmmm...

Speaking of my mom, she has reverted to fangirlism, and is now obsessing over a Russian actor. I think I saw her checking out a message board. I wanted to say "I love you" to her, but I think she would be embarrassed if I knew about it...hehehe... But, hey, with a face like that, who can blame her?

Unfortunately, I see that face entirely too much, as that is her computer background.

Oh, Mommy, and you wonder where I get it from...

Why is it that no one seems to understand that even though I am excited beyond belief about going to England, I'm also scared shitless? Because I am. I'm going to be alone, in a completely different country, with no one to run to. Talk about independence.

Of course I'm excited - I wouldn't have chosen to do this if I weren't - but it is so so so scary. Just thinking about that first day, getting off the plane, catching a train, etc. - it's just too much right now. I will have a while to think about the logistics on the plane, but still...

God, and I still have to figure out where to get money to live on...Jesus.

Ok, I'm going to stop complaining now.

On the plus side, I was finally able to get back on AIM after four months, so that's a good thing. Talked to a lot of my NYU friends and felt a bit better. I've missed them.

Also talked to a few other people - you know who you are - and had a blast. Sometimes crazy conversations can really lift your spirits.

And, YES, I can sleep in MY OWN ROOM tonight! I will not be kicked out and forced to sleep in the living room! I will sleep on my sleeper-fold-out-couch that is wider than it is long, and is so awesome to just stretch out on. Ahhhhhh...

Someone really needs to shut that fucking car alarm off.

My SQ title now includes "AROOOOOOO!"

Z. has an entirely strange sense of humor, and I couldn't stop laughing for a good five minutes. Oh, man... She's on crack - in the best of ways, of course... Hehe.

And on that thought...

Comments

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

Hey, of course you're excited and scared. Almost every big thing in life involves both those emotions at once, it's perfectly natural. Really. Just remember that you've got people to help you if you need it, and that when it comes to the crunch, things'll turn out easier than you think. You may well end up sitting down at the end of your first day here going 'OMG, I survived!', but you will.

*random hugs, cause you ROX*

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

i know. i will survive. yes. i will. (raise your hand if you have the song in your head now...) thank you! *hugs because you ROX more* dammit, i can do it!.. really!..

[sekhmet2.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: Of course you're scared--it's only natural. Scared, excited, thrilled, intimidated--I think that you will find your emotions running all over the spectrum. You're twenty years old and about to embark upon an incredible, life-changing adventure halfway across the world from your family, friends and everything that is familiar and comfortable.

And, an adventure it will most certainly be! I think that you will be surprised at how self-sufficient you will find that you become when push comes to shove. Once over there, you *will* have to rely on yourself, and I, for one, think that you are more than up to the challenge.

Be scared--that's nothing to fret about. But don't be so scared that you don't have fun and take chances and enjoy every moment of your time over there. This is an experience that will mold you into an even more well-rounded and fascinating young woman than you already are. Your time spent in England will be one that you'll remember for the rest of your life. I'm so glad that you are going to be able to experience what I could not. I know that you will make the most of this wonderful opportunity, and by the time you are scheduled to come back to the US, you'll be wishing that you could stay longer.

Do know, however, that you can email me anytime at all and I will always be here for you. I have faith in you, dear; I know that you are going to be just fine. You are a lot stronger and smarter than you give yourself credit for, and gods know, you are a lot braver and more willing to take chances that I am. One of the things that I believe I admire most about you, among the myriad of others.

As far as the money, could you possibly work in a cafe or something similar to what you did this summer? Surely you would be able to get a student work visa or somesuch that would allow you to get a temporary job while over there studying. Just a thought.

Don't worry about your parents--I think all parents are like that when their kids start to show some independence. They are worried about you, but I'm sure that deep down, they are really proud of you too.

I know *I* am. :-

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you!.. I do hope you're right - I hope that I have enough intestinal fortitude to do this. Well, I better, in any case... :) I know you're right about my parents - but it can be...frustrating. But I know you know. :) And, yes, I'm definitely planning on working - I just hope I can *find* a job!.. *wipes sweat off forehead*

*huge hugs!*

Re:

[sekhmet2.livejournal.com]

::huge hugs back:: You're going to do great. I only wish that I was going with you. England wouldn't know what hit it....

[skylark97.livejournal.com]

Okay, so you really don't know me from Joe-shmoe down the street, but I wanted to comment too. *sweatdrops* ^-^;;

I realize all of this fully, but it doesn't change the fact that right now my family and I are on very different wavelengths. That's why I'm going to England - to discover things on my own without my family's shadow.

I went away to college 1500 miles out of my way for much the same reason. I love my family to death, and when I lived at home, I was a complete homebody. (I definitely was not much of a rebel as far as the rest of the world was concerned. Always did the right thing, lived up to what was expected of me, was a total goody-good, etc. etc...) I drove them absolutely bonkers the entire summer before I left (and personally, I think by the time it was all said and done, they were glad to see me leave because I was a complete basketcase) but it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

Getting away from them gave me a chance to work out for myself who I was without their expectations and their perceptions of me overshadowing my own. It also gave me a taste of independence and of what life post-living at home would be like.

But I can definitely understand why taking that first step is scary. And I think my mother said much the same to me as yours said to you when I told her that. *rueful grin* (Parents are annoyingly blind in some respects aren't they. >.<)

Besides all that, going away gave me the chance to make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons. As much as I love my parents, they held my hand and walked me through things too often. That and I had to make the distinction both for myself and for them that I wasn't a kid anymore, and that they no longer had the right to have control over anything I did with my money, my love life, or my career life. (Although, I have to admit that it took me about five years to reach some of these conclusions and really mean them. *sweatdrops* It's a slow road sometimes...)

But anyway, you're going to England! Oh my god, that is so cool. *looks envious* Someday, I so want to at least visit there...*sigh*

And you're totally right about Firth. God, I love that mini-series...*drools* How that man can look so aloof but still maintain the hurt puppy eyes, I have no idea...yummmm...

Oy. Sorry. I really didn't mean to babble quite this much at you. *sheepish grin* ^-^;;

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

hey, good advice, no matter who it comes from, is always welcome :) and, after all, i added you first...heh. (by the way, totally random, when i have time to just sit down and review, your story "OLR" is on top of the list - blew me away, but more on that later, in the review...)

i'm glad i'm not the only one who's felt like this - and, needless to say, i completely understand the needing to get away. :)

it's a very slow road sometimes (part of why your story blew me away, but like i said earlier, more on that later....) - i'm glad to know that i'm not the only 'slow' one out there, either...*sigh*

thank you - and feel free to ramble on, especially where colin firth is concerned...heheh...*drool*

[taelonmahal.livejournal.com]

It must be really exciting for you to go to England. I am 20 myself and have just left home a few weeks ago. You're gonna make it and it will be a great experience. It might be a different country, but it's still your first language, so you won't have difficulties asking people when you have problems.

How long are you going to stay in England and what will you be studying?

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

I will be studying the same thing as I am here - psychology (well, that's my major, anyway - as far as the actual classes than I'm taking, they do inclue one or two psych courses, but also stuff like "philosophy of language", which I cannot wait to take. :) And I will be for the entire academic year. yeah. I'm insane. :)

[taelonmahal.livejournal.com]

Are you studying at University then? I get a bit confused with the whole college and Uni business. How does it actually work? Can you straight go to University after high school or do you have to go to a college first?

Anyway: sounds very interesting!! And going abroad for a year doesn't sound insane at all ... I'll have to do that too in two or three years. :)