On Crap.

[mrsronweasley]

Goddamn, I need a life. Fuck. I know that I'm only feeling this way because I'm in between something, and have nothing to do at home, but pack, talk to my mom, watch TV, and be online. I feel like shit tonight, for some reason. Just sort of...empty. Like...there's nothing real right now. I'm sure that's making no sense, but there it is. On the one hand, I want Friday to come as soon as possible. On the other, I am so scared that it's getting here faster than I can handle.

Will I find anyone in England?

Will I stumble around, with no one to talk to, but people who live Very Far Away, and cry to my pillow at night, and take anti-depressants in the morning?

What will happen there?

I know that getting away from College O' Hell is a good thing. But...I don't know. I'm bitching and moaning about an opportunity of a lifetime, it's stupid. And I don't want to stay here - that much, I know. I'll miss Sam and my friends and family. But I won't miss the place - and I can't handle going back there, not yet.

But right now, I feel like shit. Pathetic, too.

I miss having friends to hug and talk to until 3 in the morning. I love that I can go online and talk to people until then, and get *snuggled*, but then when the computer is off, I'm alone.

And then I go to bed. And then I wake up, look around at the mess, and leave it there. I only have three nights left of doing that.

The waiting is killing me, but the anticipation is, too.

God, I'm fucking scared. So, so scared.

EDITED: Fuck. And now I'm crying. I couldn't get much lower. I just wish I could fucking TALK to someone, someone whose voice I actually heard. But all my friends are asleep. Because it's late. And I'm pathetic.

Comments

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

ni, thank you so much. i did end up calling someone - carrie lives on the other coast, and i remembered about the wonderful time difference - it was three hours earlier, there. so, i called and we talked for an hour. it was wonderful and i'm feeling much better now. thank god.

and your message did that, too. thank you. *cyber hugging you back* only one thing - you are not old!!! my god, woman, you're not old at all! sheesh! :)

but talking to her really helped put things in perspective - i keep forgetting how wonderful she is.

it is now 3 am and i don't want to go to bed. huh. will have to force my ass, then...

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

Oh honey. *hugs*

Moving to another country is a big scary thing as well as a very cool one, you know. It's all right to be nervous. And you will find people. You're lovely and there's going to be at least some people who can see that. And if not, then dammit I'm going to Brighton and giving you a hug myself.

*more hugs*

*hugs*

[taelonmahal.livejournal.com]

I know that you hardly know me ... but if you should feel the urge to visit Germany when you are in England you are welcome to stay here for a few days ...

[arborealis.livejournal.com]

I am singing v.v. loudly so I hope you can hear it! I'm singing something inane like "You are my sunshine" or...um..."Let it Be" or something like that and it's cheesy and LOUD. Everyone around campus is looking up, up, up, and they don't what it is, but it's MEEEEE singing loudly to YOUUUUUUU so I hope you can hear it in Boston (I asked my friend in Boston if she could hear it and she said she could).

And...um...ohhhhh *huggle madly*

And...SCONES. Remember, you're going to the land of SCONES. And think about it--in a week or so you'll have wonderful BRITISH friends to talk to on the phone, and when you talk to them they'll have BRITISH ACCENTS and such, and...and...WOW! I mean, dude!

Take care. I'm still serenading away...my roommates are getting kinda pissed...I'm trying to build up my volume so it'll carry across the Atlantic in a couple of days:-)

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

promise? ;) thank you, honey, that does help. now if only to beat my brain into submission... :) *hugs hugs hugs*

Re: *hugs*

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

ah, that would require money, to travel, right? hmmmm... lol, thanks for the lovely offer. if i ever make it out there... (need to find a job, need to find a job, need to -) :)

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

Hark! What is that other-worldly sound? *puts hand to ear dramatically* Why, it's DAVID, serenading away! Whooohooo, I can hear it! ;)

*huggle madly back*

Thank youuuuuuuuuuu!.. Oh, gotta love insane friends that'll serenade you across the ocean... Good luck with that building of volume! ;) And don't piss your roommates on my account - you still have to live with them...hehehe

Scones. Of course. I know. And British accents. Score at least 2 for England. ;)

(I mean, shit, I had to deal with Long Island accents, of all things, for an entire year - I'm pretty damn sick of it! So, yeah, music to my ears...)

:):):)

Re:

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

Promise. :)

*glares at Liz's brain* Oi, stop it. Make my friends unhappy and risk an arse kicking.

*hugs*

[taelonmahal.livejournal.com]

well, ryanair.com is quite cheap... *g*