mrsronweasley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mrsronweasley) wrote2002-10-09 07:47 pm
mrsronweasley) wrote2002-10-09 07:47 pm
On Being 'Social'
So, I wrote this whole big entry on my experiences with being 'social' and realized that no one would really want to read all that, so here's the condensed version:
Whoever said that 'having a life' had to do with other people? I'm just curious, really, because I have been thinking about this a lot. Lately, I've been really happy just sitting in my room and reading. And yet, I always have this nagging feeling that I should be out, "doing things". Having a "social life". Meeting people. Going to pubs and talking to lots and lots of people. But, the thing is, you can't really talk to anyone in pubs - or, at least, not in a way that I want to talk to people. I want to talk about books, and life, and good music, and movies, and crap like that, but...
Am I missing something? How do these people find each other? How do they "socialize"? How does someone come up to someone else and start a conversation? And how do they make it interesting? I have always been sort of shy, but there were a few years where I just didn't care. Carrie had definitely rubbed off on me, and I became roudy and loud, and now it's gone. I'm shy again, or at least more so than those years. I can't just come up to someone and say something and feel/look confident enough for it to not be ridiculous. And so that person doesn't look at me and think "what is this short weird person doing, talking to me?"
I want to have friends, yes, and I don't want to feel sorry for myself when I hear loud voices outside and think "oh, why can't that be me?" On the other hand, more and more often I find myself thinking: "Well, actually, this chapter of 'Picture of Dorian Gray' is much more interesting than getting sloshed, so who gives a shit if they're outside and I'm inside, reading?" But then this voice in the back of my head starts saying: "Oh, but you're wasting your years, you should be out, being young and stupid, and having a wonderful college experience, and you'll regret it later."
That's what I'm afraid of. There is this constant pressure to socialise. To meet people. To be with people. And, don't get me wrong, I do want to be with people, but I can't seem to find the right ones.
I don't know how.
So, I guess, this wasn't much shorter... Sorry. But it's the sort of thing that I think everyone thinks about, at one point or another.
But I do have friends, and I still don't understand how luck worked in my favor this time, meeting both Theresa and Marie. But still. I came here to experience new things, and I feel like I'm not doing that. But it is only the second week. I'm probably being ridiculous. In fact, I know I am. It's just that I know what it can be like, having nothing to do for an entire year, and I don't want it repeated. Ever ever again.
*sigh*
On a completely different and much MUCH happier note - a boy from my corridor gave me his HI-FI so I can HAVE IT for the YEAR! He had two, and didn't need the portable one. I mean, WOW. I am so excited - I don't have to go out and spend money, I can listen to music any time I want, and I don't have to give it back till the end of the year! (Hopefully.)
Hurrah!
Whoever said that 'having a life' had to do with other people? I'm just curious, really, because I have been thinking about this a lot. Lately, I've been really happy just sitting in my room and reading. And yet, I always have this nagging feeling that I should be out, "doing things". Having a "social life". Meeting people. Going to pubs and talking to lots and lots of people. But, the thing is, you can't really talk to anyone in pubs - or, at least, not in a way that I want to talk to people. I want to talk about books, and life, and good music, and movies, and crap like that, but...
Am I missing something? How do these people find each other? How do they "socialize"? How does someone come up to someone else and start a conversation? And how do they make it interesting? I have always been sort of shy, but there were a few years where I just didn't care. Carrie had definitely rubbed off on me, and I became roudy and loud, and now it's gone. I'm shy again, or at least more so than those years. I can't just come up to someone and say something and feel/look confident enough for it to not be ridiculous. And so that person doesn't look at me and think "what is this short weird person doing, talking to me?"
I want to have friends, yes, and I don't want to feel sorry for myself when I hear loud voices outside and think "oh, why can't that be me?" On the other hand, more and more often I find myself thinking: "Well, actually, this chapter of 'Picture of Dorian Gray' is much more interesting than getting sloshed, so who gives a shit if they're outside and I'm inside, reading?" But then this voice in the back of my head starts saying: "Oh, but you're wasting your years, you should be out, being young and stupid, and having a wonderful college experience, and you'll regret it later."
That's what I'm afraid of. There is this constant pressure to socialise. To meet people. To be with people. And, don't get me wrong, I do want to be with people, but I can't seem to find the right ones.
I don't know how.
So, I guess, this wasn't much shorter... Sorry. But it's the sort of thing that I think everyone thinks about, at one point or another.
But I do have friends, and I still don't understand how luck worked in my favor this time, meeting both Theresa and Marie. But still. I came here to experience new things, and I feel like I'm not doing that. But it is only the second week. I'm probably being ridiculous. In fact, I know I am. It's just that I know what it can be like, having nothing to do for an entire year, and I don't want it repeated. Ever ever again.
*sigh*
On a completely different and much MUCH happier note - a boy from my corridor gave me his HI-FI so I can HAVE IT for the YEAR! He had two, and didn't need the portable one. I mean, WOW. I am so excited - I don't have to go out and spend money, I can listen to music any time I want, and I don't have to give it back till the end of the year! (Hopefully.)
Hurrah!