mrsronweasley | On Being 'Social'

So, I wrote this whole big entry on my experiences with being 'social' and realized that no one would really want to read all that, so here's the condensed version:

Whoever said that 'having a life' had to do with other people? I'm just curious, really, because I have been thinking about this a lot. Lately, I've been really happy just sitting in my room and reading. And yet, I always have this nagging feeling that I should be out, "doing things". Having a "social life". Meeting people. Going to pubs and talking to lots and lots of people. But, the thing is, you can't really talk to anyone in pubs - or, at least, not in a way that I want to talk to people. I want to talk about books, and life, and good music, and movies, and crap like that, but...

Am I missing something? How do these people find each other? How do they "socialize"? How does someone come up to someone else and start a conversation? And how do they make it interesting? I have always been sort of shy, but there were a few years where I just didn't care. Carrie had definitely rubbed off on me, and I became roudy and loud, and now it's gone. I'm shy again, or at least more so than those years. I can't just come up to someone and say something and feel/look confident enough for it to not be ridiculous. And so that person doesn't look at me and think "what is this short weird person doing, talking to me?"

I want to have friends, yes, and I don't want to feel sorry for myself when I hear loud voices outside and think "oh, why can't that be me?" On the other hand, more and more often I find myself thinking: "Well, actually, this chapter of 'Picture of Dorian Gray' is much more interesting than getting sloshed, so who gives a shit if they're outside and I'm inside, reading?" But then this voice in the back of my head starts saying: "Oh, but you're wasting your years, you should be out, being young and stupid, and having a wonderful college experience, and you'll regret it later."

That's what I'm afraid of. There is this constant pressure to socialise. To meet people. To be with people. And, don't get me wrong, I do want to be with people, but I can't seem to find the right ones.

I don't know how.

So, I guess, this wasn't much shorter... Sorry. But it's the sort of thing that I think everyone thinks about, at one point or another.

But I do have friends, and I still don't understand how luck worked in my favor this time, meeting both Theresa and Marie. But still. I came here to experience new things, and I feel like I'm not doing that. But it is only the second week. I'm probably being ridiculous. In fact, I know I am. It's just that I know what it can be like, having nothing to do for an entire year, and I don't want it repeated. Ever ever again.

*sigh*

On a completely different and much MUCH happier note - a boy from my corridor gave me his HI-FI so I can HAVE IT for the YEAR! He had two, and didn't need the portable one. I mean, WOW. I am so excited - I don't have to go out and spend money, I can listen to music any time I want, and I don't have to give it back till the end of the year! (Hopefully.)

Hurrah!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i feel the same way you do. but i figure as long as you're doing things you really like to do then that's what really matters, you know? going out is really fun and everything but you can't do it all the time. don't worry that you're wasting your young years cuz you're not. books, music, movies etc.. are better than all that anyways. :) i'm looking for somebody to talk to about all that stuff too. no one really seems to care about that kind of stuff here. o well...

isn't it very sad when you can't talk to people about what interests you? i hate it. that was me in long island, at least the first semester. hope that things get better - perhaps we just need to go out and conquer, you know? 'be afraid of nothing', as one wise man once said... *coughwildecough* :)

*hugs*

I totally know what you mean, right down to the 'what's this short weirdo doing talking to me?' thing.

My instinct is to say 'well fuck 'em, if Dorian Grey is more fun then who cares what you 'should' be doing?', but if it really bothers you then maybe making the effort to get out maybe every week or something would be worth it. Just so you feel you're at least making an effort.

And hey, while you're doing that, you might even find yourself meeting people who are willing to really talk to you. :)

I totally know what you mean, right down to the 'what's this short weirdo doing talking to me?' thing.

dude, we so have to meet! hahahahahahaha... two short weirdos, what a laugh.

*HUGS*

i'm trying, i really am - it's just that sometimes it's really hard. and the freakiest thing is that when i AM with people, i sort of zone out and think about my own stuff, more often than i care to think about. ugh. ah, well...

I have really great group of friends, we usually spend our fri/sat nights sitting around eating pizza and talking, or debating as the case may be (we've also been known to all sit in silence for hours to absorbed reading to actually talk!)

On the otherhand two of my best friends go out every night, no exceptions. They try to get me to go with them, but frankly sitting in a smokey pub having a dull conversation (that's assuming we could talk over the music) is not my idea of a great time. Because of this i rarly get to see them as they won't go anywhere else on their 'pubbing' nights. Every time i decline an offer to go with them they say i should really socialise more, the thing they don't seem to understand is that i'm perfectly happy reading at home most nights!

It is only your second week, i'm sure you're meet plenty of great people before long, sounds like you've alreay got two good friends! A new friend a week isn't a bad record!

your friends sound great - my closest friends are like that, though we never really read together... but we just feel comfortable enough around each other that there's no pressure to do anything. incidentally, when we do get together (it's been happening so rarely lately, alas, and especially now that i am, well, an ocean away) we DO do stuff. one summer, after freshman year, we went out almost every night and it was a lot of fun, but it was fun BECAUSE we knew each other so well, and because we didn't need to prove anything. it was just fun. that's something i miss. *le sigh*

I think you don't know me but I couldn't help I just had to send a hug.

I thought about your words for a while but, even if I know the way you feel, unfortunately I don't know a good advice. Just let me say, don't feel too much pressure because of things which you should do. Maybe, you can come to a compromise like at first finish the chapter and then going outside and perhaps you'll meet the right people. :)

i'm up for trying things. really, i am. *G* i think it's all a matter of courage, in the end. or so i will think. and i will try to get enough courage to NOT GIVE A SHIT. there. hehehehe...

and thank you :)

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yes, weird people unite! whooohooo! ;)

but, really, it isn't weird. it happens more often that we like to admit. i wish i could say that it will be ok, but as i don't know... i'll just give you lots of hugs. even if you can't feel them.

and i stayed in last night, making quotes to put on my wall and having fun. and i talked to my hallmates. it was nice.

*still more hugs*

Remuslover : It's wonderful just to be listening to music and/or reading a good book by yourself, but that feeling that you should be out there with people doing those things people do *sigh* can be annoying, worrying, and some times it's just painful... Sometimes hurts to know that you should be hanging out with people because you feel you can't, you don't know how to...

that is me exactly.... i swear you are reading my mind! ::sniffles::

On Being 'Social'

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