mrsronweasley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mrsronweasley) wrote2002-10-18 05:27 pm
mrsronweasley) wrote2002-10-18 05:27 pm
On Making Choices.
EDITED:
I decided to come back and see this again. And realized that I made no sense. It's funny how when you're really upset, and write something, it makes no sense later on. It didn't sound like I was changing anything at all, and I realize why now - because much of what I need to change is the...ummm...well, my own habits, I guess, ones which have little to do with the fandom. It probably won't even be noticeable that I've removed myself from the situation a little bit. Does that make sense?
In any case, I will continue to think about this. Think long and hard. And I probably won't be able to change a thing, because that's me for you. But I can tell you that I do feel better. I think getting out and doing something helped. Theresa and I went clubbing, and it was...ummm...an experience. It was fun. I don't think I'd want to do it every week, that's for sure, but it was fun. Except for the part where some weird guy tried groping me. But that's all.
~*~
Last night, I had a small, yet still a rather terrible, nervous breakdown, caused by a few things piling on and on and finally being driven over the edge by a misunderstood email from someone back home. I actually broke down in the lab. But that's not the important part.
The important part is this. I think my priorities in life right now are very screwed up. They're fucked up, in fact. I'm not sure how it got to this point, and I'm not sure where it's headed, but all I know is that I am so confused right now, and I don't know how to stop it.
What am I trying to say?.. I'm trying to say that I will attempt to distance myself from this right now. I will try and...and...I don't know. Cut down on all of this. This doesn't mean that I don't care about any of you. This doesn't mean that I am leaving completely. It doesn't mean that I will stop writing fanfiction, it doesn't mean that I will stop talking to you all over email. I know that I would miss too many people if I did that. (Many of you who were probably holding your breaths in relief are once again disappointed. I know.)
But I will become less active in the fandom. Believe me, it's a hard decision, but I know - and have known for a while - that it had to happen. In order for me to straighten out my head (and it will take a long, long time, I can just feel it) I need to distance myself from certain things. I need to step back and think things through more clearly. From a bigger distance.
I hate doing this. I really do. But I know I have to. I have to, or I will go completely insane.
I will miss this a lot, and knowing me, this distancing thing probably won't last for a week, but I will try to make it last. I think I might still write in this journal, because it's just such a great release sometimes, but overall, you will probably be seeing less of me. (Collective sighs of relief.)
And no, I am not leaving my duties on the Quill - at least, not the beta-ing ones.
(Just for the record, I cannot believe I just wrote this. I really can't. *sigh*)
I decided to come back and see this again. And realized that I made no sense. It's funny how when you're really upset, and write something, it makes no sense later on. It didn't sound like I was changing anything at all, and I realize why now - because much of what I need to change is the...ummm...well, my own habits, I guess, ones which have little to do with the fandom. It probably won't even be noticeable that I've removed myself from the situation a little bit. Does that make sense?
In any case, I will continue to think about this. Think long and hard. And I probably won't be able to change a thing, because that's me for you. But I can tell you that I do feel better. I think getting out and doing something helped. Theresa and I went clubbing, and it was...ummm...an experience. It was fun. I don't think I'd want to do it every week, that's for sure, but it was fun. Except for the part where some weird guy tried groping me. But that's all.
~*~
Last night, I had a small, yet still a rather terrible, nervous breakdown, caused by a few things piling on and on and finally being driven over the edge by a misunderstood email from someone back home. I actually broke down in the lab. But that's not the important part.
The important part is this. I think my priorities in life right now are very screwed up. They're fucked up, in fact. I'm not sure how it got to this point, and I'm not sure where it's headed, but all I know is that I am so confused right now, and I don't know how to stop it.
What am I trying to say?.. I'm trying to say that I will attempt to distance myself from this right now. I will try and...and...I don't know. Cut down on all of this. This doesn't mean that I don't care about any of you. This doesn't mean that I am leaving completely. It doesn't mean that I will stop writing fanfiction, it doesn't mean that I will stop talking to you all over email. I know that I would miss too many people if I did that. (Many of you who were probably holding your breaths in relief are once again disappointed. I know.)
But I will become less active in the fandom. Believe me, it's a hard decision, but I know - and have known for a while - that it had to happen. In order for me to straighten out my head (and it will take a long, long time, I can just feel it) I need to distance myself from certain things. I need to step back and think things through more clearly. From a bigger distance.
I hate doing this. I really do. But I know I have to. I have to, or I will go completely insane.
I will miss this a lot, and knowing me, this distancing thing probably won't last for a week, but I will try to make it last. I think I might still write in this journal, because it's just such a great release sometimes, but overall, you will probably be seeing less of me. (Collective sighs of relief.)
And no, I am not leaving my duties on the Quill - at least, not the beta-ing ones.
(Just for the record, I cannot believe I just wrote this. I really can't. *sigh*)
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that was not funny.
you know we love you. and "seeing" less of you is not something we are looking forward to. at all. not even a little. but we understand. and we will still be here when you need us.
remember that it will be okay. it always is. (my theory on life, it will either be okay, or i will have a total psychotic break and not realize that it isn't)
take care of yourself. you make me happy.
oh, and as you see. i finally (a few days ago, as it would seem... i should know when things like this happen shouldn't i?) got a damn journal. now i get pictures ;) and a place to show you all how truly unstable and just *weird* i am.
but i still like signing these things,
XO,
Jadis, who thinks that liz is fantabulous.