Back to...this place...

[mrsronweasley]

First off, you rock. My hat's off to you.

I am back from the haven that is Not Long Island. I have come to realize that where I'm living right now is Hell. Last night, I went out with my sister and her friends - a restaurant in the West Village. I stood there on the corner of Greenwich and Charles, and the building was built of red brick, the light was pale yellow and I belonged there. I belonged with the old frames arount the windows, the flower pots on the window sills, the people wearing things other than Gap clothes.

I never really appreciated any of it while I lived there, for that one year. Of course, I didn't expect to transfer so soon. I can't believe I didn't explore more, didn't experience more while I had the chance. And now I'm here. It's like a joke, it really is.

*sigh*

I shouldn't bitch. I never should have expected to last long on the amount of money I was supposed to pay. And no one owes me.

I have also come to realize that, even though I'm proud of where I come from, I don't know if I can relate to Russians anymore. They - we - have been raised with one too many hang-ups, raised to be too closed-minded. I miss home. But I don't miss the person I could have been had I stayed there. I like who I am now. I like that I can talk openly about issues that many others still find taboo. I like that I can write slash and love every second of it. I like that I swear like a sailor. I like that I'm an open person.

It's hard to reconcile those two worlds - the me now, and the responsibility to relate to my family. I guess I've grown up.

Huh. I guess this turned out to be a rather profound weekend...

Hmm.

Comments

[ballyharnon.livejournal.com]

hey, you rock too. it takes alot to see your family and the place you come from in a realistic light.

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

thank you! yeah, i've just done a lot of thinking this summer - a lot of changing, too, i guess. tis weird. :)

I really need an LJ account to sign in...

[(Anonymous)]

Russians are a hard group of people to relate to, especially when they're the type who not only aren't open-minded, but don't want to *be* open minded. I obviously don't know exactly what you're going through, but I know what you mean with the conflict between the two worlds. I have an example right in my house, with my parents, who are reasonably normal American people now, and a cousin who just came from some unlabelled suburb of Moscow and is the stereotype poster girl for everything Russian.

She looks scandalized at the very mention of people being gay and in her world, getting your ears pierced is a form of devil worship.

You've got my best wishes for figuring everything out dear, and I really hope you do. :) And for what it's worth, we like who you are now too. :)

-Anna.
Off to SLEEP. Blessed sleep...

Yes you do! *chants lj, lj, lj...*

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

and yes, they are. i know that some are more extreme than others, but it's still hard. the thing is, a lot of the prejudiced things that they say - they don't even realize that what they're saying is in any way racist, or homophobic, or anything. somehow, it's acceptable to discuss a person's race like it's no big deal...ummm...i can't explain. i'm sure you understand. sometimes i want to tear out my hair and scream at them, i really do. but i can't, especially if my parents are around.

it's funny that a lot of russians are so homophobic... after all, there was tchaikovsky...and gogol'...

i guess what will have to happen is that after an encounter that makes me want to gauge out my eyeballs, i will go online and soothe my soul with some sb/rl smut. that'll make things better. :)