mrsronweasley | An open letter to Mr. Paul Gross.

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An open letter to Mr. Paul Gross.

Dear Mr. Gross,

I love hot apple cider. This is an inate sort of knowledge, a kind of knowledge I have, and carry around with me, and the sort of knowledge that doesn't need any further proof in my mind. I love hot apple cider. But, see, I tend to forget just how much I love apple cider, and why. I forget to the extent that whenever I do have hot apple cider - steaming, sweet, just the right amount of tart, with two cinnamon sticks to complete the taste seduction that happens in my mouth - I am always newly surprised by the extent of my love for hot apple cider. And it is always a good surprise, a lovely surprise, in fact, because hot apple cider fills me with a lot of joy.

You, Mr. Gross, are like hot apple cider to me. I know, I always know, that I love you. Oh, I know, I tend to tease and mock you (and can you blame me, I mean, you've seen "Voodoo", I am certain, more than once or even three or twenty times), but believe me when I say, I mock because I love. And so I love, and mock, and adore, and tease, and then, I watch a new episode of "Slings & Arrows", and Mr. Gross, my heart falls for you anew each and every single time, and I remember - really remember - why I loved you so much in the first place.

You will forgive me if I use a term that your character has mocked, at least in this particular context - and was very right to! - when I say that you are perfect. You are more than perfect. You are a wonder, a whirlwind of talent, you, Mr. Gross, are indescribable. You break my heart with a twitch of an eyebrow, or even just a stare. You make my blood pound harder just by delivering a line so stunningly in tune with everything around you, I can't help but flail my hands and scream that YES, this is what life is about.

I don't think you will disagree with me when I propose that, despite everything that you have done - and done well, of course, done more than 'well' - the role of Geoffrey Tennant is your Magnum Opus. It is the role with which you have achieved such heights of spirit and emotion and genius and truth, that I fail to find the proper words to describe you the way you truly deserve to be described. I can't even be silent when watching you on screen anymore, because the exclamations just burst out, unable to be contained. I tend to close the door when I watch you as Geoffrey Tennant.

And so I wait, with trepidation, for the new episodes of "Slings & Arrows", wondering just how much more you can take me by surprise and make me fall in love with you, because it happens more and more each time. I would ask you to have pity on my poor little heart and maybe stop being so brilliant, but on the other hand, my poor little heart can take it. Please. Be more brilliant. Be as brilliant as you like. Apparently, you have previously untapped reserves of brilliance, and you shine more and more each time I see you. And for that - I thank you.

And, while I'm certain this offer will be met with dead silence and maybe just a hint of smugness, I ask you, Mr. Gross: please let me blow you. Because, out of all the various reactions of intellectual stimulation and emotional turbulence that your portrayal of Geoffrey Tennant provides, the one that resonates the loudest and rattles around in my head the longest is the deep, strong desire to suck your cock. You gorgeous, talented, amazing man, you.

Sincerely,
Liz

P.S. Yes. I feel your smug smile from across the border. Feel absolutely free.

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*squees and loves you*

I thought I was the only woman who had the reaction of just looking at Paul Gross and having her mouth water for that ammoniacal saltiness...

Um, Hi. I'm jamethiel_bane, new to the due South fandom and I friended you cause I love your writing. Also, I'm really good at giving head, and this is a talent that I'd like Paul Gross to acknowledge dammit...

That was possibly TMI, but I've just had over 1/2 a bottle of white shiraz. *gives a lazy wave* I think I've already said hi, but hi again.

Hello!

Drunken introductions are the best! Seriously. They make my day.

Also, I'm really good at giving head, and this is a talent that I'd like Paul Gross to acknowledge dammit...

I feel like he should, too. I congratulate you on your skill and wish you luck in this endeavor! I certainly know how you feel. *g*

Drinking wine on a Tuesday night. Also awesome. I hope it doesn't make your hed throb in the morning. Yes, that was a deliberate choice of wording there... *g*

:P

Re: Damn, the El-Jay ate my comment.

jamethiel - 2006-08-29 22:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Damn, the El-Jay ate my comment.

mrsronweasley.livejournal.com - 2006-08-30 00:47 (UTC) - Expand

*dies laughing*

That last paragraph is the one he'd love the most. Why, yes, you can suck my cock. Do you mind if Callum watches?

MMmmm, apple cider- getting to be just about that time, too.

Oh, yes, he can. He can watch all he wants. He can join in, too. I really wouldn't mind. At all. *cough*

Mmm, apple cider. I'm so excited that it's getting to be that time. God, it's so tasty.

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mickeymvt.livejournal.com - 2006-08-29 18:26 (UTC) - Expand

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mrsronweasley.livejournal.com - 2006-08-30 00:46 (UTC) - Expand

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mickeymvt.livejournal.com - 2006-08-30 13:18 (UTC) - Expand

You know what's weird (or maybe it's REALLY REALLY NOT WEIRD AT ALL considering this is ME we're talking about), as talented and striking as I find Paul Gross, I cannot summon up ANY sexual energy for him. If his cock was pointed at my face I would be like, uh, wouldn't you rather Don McKellar does that for you? It's more like wouldn't I rather, but.

Don McKellar? Now there's a man I might want to partake in some sexual activity with.

That is totally understandable. Considering it's you. *loves deeply* Hey! More Paul for me! I didn't find him at all sexually interesting until I watched S1 and 2 of dS. No Callum meant I actually looked around, and lo! Holy Crap! Pretty! And then, I mean, Geoffrey Tennant. And then I was just a puddle on the floor and I still am, waving from that angle.

Have you watched "Last Night" yet?

OMG! I love you....and this.....and him...this letter is just too too wonderful.
I think this season is the best one! The therapy sessions are just amazingly brilliant!

I'll just let my icon speak about my reaction to your offer there. Bwahahahaha!

Heeeeeeeee! OMG! Your icon!! I cannot tell how much I had to resist not to make a reference to that in the 'letter'. Seriously. Because I'm not sure it's a good idea to mention such issues when propositioning a guy, you know? Might not serve the purpose, so to speak. *g*

And yes! THE THERAPY SESSIONS! I just! I! FUCK! It seriously is the BEST TV show EVER. Of all fucking time.

*squees loudly from an ocean away*

I think YOU are as brilliant as Paul Gross! ♥ ♥ ♥

*approves of your letter and signs it too*

Ha! Thank you! I only wish. *g* But I get applause across the ocean for wanting to suck cock! Nice. I have arrived.

♥!

:D

Why do I get the feeling Paul would adore you more than words can say? You would be the best thing he's ever seen.

Awwww! That is so sweet. *grins like a fool* I wish!

Your attempts to cut ahead in that long line will get you nowhere, wench!

'kay, so technically you're ahead of me anyway, but it's the principle of the thing.

Damn! And I thought I was being all sneaky and clever!

Hey, how come I'm ahead? *checks the line* I'm, like, second last to come to this party! ;)

What can I say but *G* and *HEE* and DITTO?

Not much, eh? *shares the LOVE*

OMG. Liz, honey, I already loved you, but now I think I love you more than I love everyone else on the intarwebs COMBINED. That was beautiful. Paul doesn't know how lucky he is to have such dedicated fans. ;)

And also, what

alpheratz said. *staunchly defends place in line*

*but totally lets you skip ahead*

Hee! Wow. My deep and strong desire to give Paul Gross head has upped my loveable factor! AWESOME! (Note to self: get horny more often.)

Paul doesn't know how lucky he is to have such dedicated fans. ;)

Oh, I'm dedicated, baby. *g*

Oh, you totally don't have to. He's got a giant cock. More than enough to go around.

I can't BELIEVE I just said that.

Dear Liz,

You are made entirely of awesome. Seriously. I'm glad I read this before I ate my cereal. And I'm sure that Paul is flattered and, frankly, a little turned on by your offer to blow him. He's probably trying to talk Martha into letting you right now. HEE!

*adores*,
T.

Dear T.,

I am very glad I didn't make you choke on your cereal! I hope if Mr. Gross were to find this letter eventually, the outcome would be to everybody's, ah, satisfaction. Mmmm. Yeah. I am very glad to have amused you, as well. *g*

Mwah!
Liz

Ahahahahhahaha. Liz, you are so awesome.

Or horny. Either one. *g* Mwah!

EXACTLY!

*g* He is just that special. *g*

This is spectacular. Apple cider is the best. As is Paul Gross. And you, you're the best for being able to write such a perfect letter.

Apple cider is wonderful, isn't it? As is Paul Gross. And thank you! I'm all beaming quietly over here. This is what getting horny over talented men gets me. Nice. *g*

This made me incredibly happy.

Yes. Exactly. What you said.

All of it. *g*

I'm so glad you share my sentiments, Mal. :D

Wow.

That's all I got.

Gosh, I hope that's not a "I'm about to defriend this freak once and for all" kind of wow. *g*

Dude, after reading this I'm conviced that your brilliance matches Paul's. *hopes that the weight of this compliment doesn't flatten you*

I was the one shouting "Yes!" and "Exactly!" while reading this, seemingly unable to just shut up. And the way you concluded this fabulous letter with the plea to give head was wonderful. Heartfelt, dignified and with all the eloquence I lack when I just so much as think about doing this. Brava.

Uhm. Do you think he would mind a threesome? Or, would you? *makes puppy eyes*

Ahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Hey, fine with me - but then, I'm totally easy. *g* *is, in fact, totally flattened by the compliment*

I am shameless. I know. Dignified? Boy, I'm glad the internet filters out so much. *g*

Thank you kindly. :P

Dear Liz,

you are clearly the awesomest. I am sure Paul would let you suck his cock anytime.

Love,
c

Dear C,

Wouldn't that be a dream come true? *g*

Much love,
Liz

Ahhahah! That's great!

I would totally blush? Except what's the point of blushing over the truth? *g*

Aw! What an adorable letter. I'm sure Paul would be happy to ~~let you suck his cock~~ know he has such an ardent fangirl.

Oh, man. 'Ardent' doesn't begin to describe it. *g* *cough*

This is a perfect letter. Perfect. They never taught us how to write stuff like this back in 10th-grade English class. It's really a pity. We'd have all showed up for class more instead of hanging out in the bathroom smoking.

Oh, and. Paul also has (and should trademark the phrase) the loveliest mouth on the planet. I mean, in case nobody noticed. Mouth kink, me? Um.

Ha! "Now, end your argument with an incentive for the person to write you back and expound upon the discussion." (As in, "Dear Liz, While very flattered by your offer, I fear I must decline due to numerous reasons, not the least of which is your apparent mental instability...")

I'm very glad to have entertained. :P And yes. He has a gorgeous mouth. Nnngh.

Hello, I'm here via [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]post. What a wonderful letter! I'm impressed. Paul would be happy to read this. Thank you so much for sharing!

Hee! Yeah, happy...freaked out...could be the same things. *g*

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