Time to do this...

[mrsronweasley]

I would just like to say that for a year and a half I have been observing you people, and now it is time to reveal my true identity.

I am a 58 year old, 6 foot tall, 300 pound male from Alabama, and I have been working undercover for my Christian newspaper, which shall remain unnamed, all this time. I have been so clever with my disguise that none of you people ever realized who I really was, and even those of you that met me were fooled.

And all I have to say to you people is that y'all will burn in the fiery depths of Hell as soon as God claims your sorry lives. You are perverted, disgusting and sinful excuses for human beings. I have been suffering from your perpetual heresy for so long now, I can stand it no longer. I've told my editor that I am handing in my pen on this case, and this whole Harry Potter blasphemy is behind me. I shall now go back to living my pure, God-fearing life, with my wife Mary-Lou and our ten little girls, who would never even think of associating with the likes of you people. It scares me that I have spent this whole time with such heretics and blasphemers, and to those of you who also happen to be dirty faggots, I say you will burn the hardest and the most!

You shall all go down for habitual degenerates!*

Righteousness shall prevail! And God will strike down His migthy sword upon the sins of this place!

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend to. I just have to find my white sheets and a needle and thread. I bet Mary-Lou knows where they are, the good little woman that she is.


taken from At Swim, Two Boys, pp. ~170?..

Comments

[snoopypez.livejournal.com]

Whoa. I HAVE been fooled. Still am, since I'm talking to you as I type.

Eek! I'm a sinner! Banish me!

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

Go, you are banished. NOW!

But, you know. Not really.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Yeah, right. And somewhere, somehow you managed to post all these pics of a cute small brunette. Are you STALXing her, Christian man? Don't be ridiculous. You and her, sexually, that would never work out. I mean, you'd smash her to pieces the first time ...

Keep away from that lovely lady.

Right?

percival

[stereo-m.livejournal.com]

You and her, sexually, that would never work out. I mean, you'd smash her to pieces the first time ...

*splutter* *cough*

PERCIVAL!! O_O

Don't give me such mental images! O_O

*is scarred for life*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

:: whistles innocently ::

:: DEVILISH GRIN ::

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

That is just disgusting. I can't believe you wrote that. YUCK.

*shudders*

[perceval.livejournal.com]

Sorry! I didn't mean any offense. It was meant to be a joke - and my sense of humour is a bit strange in that I can laugh at things that make others shudder ... I sometimes test the waters to see whether others share it. If they don't, I offer apologies - like now. Sincere apologies!

[firelocks.livejournal.com]

wow. you even tricked my video camera...

[arborealis.livejournal.com]

wow...you even tricked my pancreas


(?)

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

I know, I'm very sly. ;)

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

Hey, a video camera isn't that difficult to trick... hehe...

[mrsronweasley.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're not the only one that was fooled. Bwahahahahahahahaa!

It's ok, I imagine that having spent all this time around you has secured my place in Hell, as well. I'll see you down there.

*MWAH*

[croupier.livejournal.com]

pottersginny, is that you?!

[neo-nym.livejournal.com]

Wow--you can sew too? :o)

[airinshaw.livejournal.com]

Wow.

Well, considering you should have had plenty for your article long before now, I can only conclude that you were sucked in to our degenerate leanings!!! Mwuahahahaha!

Welcome 58-year-old-6-foot-tall-300-pound-male-from-Alabama! *hands you and R/S pin* Come to Hell with us. Will be so much fun.

[doctoraicha.livejournal.com]

asdfghjkl;'

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

I thought you should know that I am EXTREMELY hurt and upset. You stole the limelight just when I was about to announce that I was a 63 year old ex-hockey player and businessman from Austria.

Damn you. :P