Time to do this...

I would just like to say that for a year and a half I have been observing you people, and now it is time to reveal my true identity.

I am a 58 year old, 6 foot tall, 300 pound male from Alabama, and I have been working undercover for my Christian newspaper, which shall remain unnamed, all this time. I have been so clever with my disguise that none of you people ever realized who I really was, and even those of you that met me were fooled.

And all I have to say to you people is that y'all will burn in the fiery depths of Hell as soon as God claims your sorry lives. You are perverted, disgusting and sinful excuses for human beings. I have been suffering from your perpetual heresy for so long now, I can stand it no longer. I've told my editor that I am handing in my pen on this case, and this whole Harry Potter blasphemy is behind me. I shall now go back to living my pure, God-fearing life, with my wife Mary-Lou and our ten little girls, who would never even think of associating with the likes of you people. It scares me that I have spent this whole time with such heretics and blasphemers, and to those of you who also happen to be dirty faggots, I say you will burn the hardest and the most!

You shall all go down for habitual degenerates!*

Righteousness shall prevail! And God will strike down His migthy sword upon the sins of this place!

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend to. I just have to find my white sheets and a needle and thread. I bet Mary-Lou knows where they are, the good little woman that she is.

( * )

On many slashy things.

I apologize for the slight hostile takeover of my journal early this morning. I don't know what happened exactly, but a very large man is lying next to me right now, passed out cold, with a needle and thread in his hands, frozen while attempting to sew something that I would rather not think about it. He also had the nerve to call me "Mary-Lou" and his "little wife". The nail on my boot came in handy. *cracks knuckles*

In other news, people need to learn the concept of personal space. Get away from me, you freak.

In more news, I need to do my work, dammitalltohell, why can't I be as happy as arborealis? Oh, that's right. Because he's DONE with all this work, and I am not. But if you haven't seen this post, do yourself a favor and go see it, because it is a thing of beauty. I think the amount of laughter that it generated from me has increased my life by about a year. Thanks, babe. ;)

In OTHER news, ( here be the elementary thoughts on Holmes/Watson for interested parties )

But look - new icon! Ten points to those who can guess where the quote is from. Personally, it makes me very happy. I have to give credit where credit's due - it was snoopypez's idea to make a Hermione icon with this quote. Go Jaime. :)

And that's it. My life is, at the moment, not exciting at all. But come next Friday and... oh, that's right. I'll have an exam to worry about. Bah! I'm taking next Saturday off. I will do NOTHING. And not feel a bit guilty. Oh, I can't wait...